


Dreams Within Dreams

by Polerfan1986



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Belle is still under the sleeping curse, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Hero Complex, Inferiority Complex, Masturbation, Morpheus begins to show Belle key moments from her own past, Morpheus begins to show Belle visions of Rumple's past, Morpheus speaks to Belle, Morpheus speaks to Rumple, Narcissism, Non-Consensual Touching, Orgasm, PTSD symptoms, Season six speculation, Sexual Abuse, Swearing, Temporary Heart Extraction, Vaginal Fingering, implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:56:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polerfan1986/pseuds/Polerfan1986
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle is still trapped under the sleeping curse and finds herself in conversation with Morpheus the god of dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreams and Omens

Belle’s eyelashes flickered softly as her eyes opened and she found herself lying on the cot in the back of the shop. Her first thought was had Rumple been successful in removing the contract on the baby, she had fully expected to see him at her side when she awoke from the curse so she was surprised and a little hurt to find herself alone, _where is he_ she thought as she rose from the cot .

“Rumple” she called out as she walked through to the front of the shop and glanced around but there was no sign of her husband anywhere. Belle made her way to the front door of the pawnshop and opened it.

She was greeted by a site that chilled her to the bone as she walked up Main Street, there was not another soul to be seen anywhere and no sounds that would indicate any one around either. Belle began to panic “RUMPLE where are you?” she cried out tears coming to her eyes, one hand touching her stomach protectively as she lurched back to the shop.

Belle could list on one hand the things in life which had truly frightened her out of her wits, her mother’s death, Regina abducting her and locking her away for years, Rumple dying and the contract on her unborn child.

Now she was truly frightened again and wanted nothing more than to see Rumple enter the shop, wanted him to take her in his arms and comfort her. But Rumple wasn’t there, no one was except her or so she thought until she heard a strange voice speak.

“Welcome to my realm princess” the voice addressed her, Belle spun around and saw a man appearing out of thin air in the middle of the shop. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes, he didn’t look a day over 30 and was towering over her.

“Your realm?" she stuttered, "Who are you?”

“I am Morpheus the God of dreams” he told her calmly.

“The God of dreams” she said and then the penny dropped “I’m not awake am I? Rumple didn’t bring me to my father did he?" she asked him.

“You are still under the sleeping curse but not because your husband failed you, he did indeed bring you to your father, it was he who refused to wake you.”

“I don’t believe you my father wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t be that petty regarding his own daughter” Belle snapped defensively.

“Oh no, watch then” Morpheus told her as a vision appeared of Moe and Rumple arguing in the flower shop and Moe refusing to wake her and apparently rejoicing that Rumple’s kiss hadn’t worked and Rumple brandishing his cane just as Emma burst in and interrupted their argument and the vision faded.

“My Papa refused to wake me as long as Rumple is still alive” Belle said in disbelief and then she felt herself growing angry, "no why would he do that, he knows being with Rumple was my choice. Wait, Papa said Rumple’s kiss didn’t work, why didn't it work?”

“The reason your sweetheart’s kiss didn’t wake you is because I didn’t allow it to” the god answered still irritatingly calm.

“This is my realm Belle, it is by my will that humans come and go here from wakefulness to sleep and back again and I have my own reasons for keeping you here. You will not wake until I allow it.”

“Why does this place look like Rumple’s shop?" she asked him suddenly.

“Familiar and meaningful surroundings always work best” he answered “I could make it appear exactly like any place you have a strong emotional connection to for example…” he waved his hand and Belle blinked as she found herself standing in the great hall of Rumple’s castle, then she was in the war room of her father’s keep in Avonlea followed by the bedroom she and Rumple shared in their home in Storybrooke and then she was back in the shop again.

“Your naïve, gullible nature has long been your weakness Belle” Morpheus continued “in your hurry to see only the best in everyone you’ve been blind to the true inner nature of those around you”

“That’s not true” she protested.

“Don't believe me, see for yourself then” and Morpheus showed her the events in the underworld that she had previously not been privy to. Emma blackmailing Rumple to take them there, the moment when Regina and Zelena spoke about Hades, and when Hades had sought out the help of Emma and the others because Rumple and Peter Pan had taken Zelena hostage and wouldn’t release her unless Hades tore up the contract on the baby. Belle saw the trade take place and watched as the contract was torn up and Zelena was released.

“They didn’t even care that I wasn’t there, they never bothered to check on me even once” she said speaking of the group after listening to their conversation, “they hadn’t seen me for days, they took Hades side and helped him to get Zelena back, Regina even encouraged Zelena to go to him the night before, and Emma was more than happy to manipulate me against my husband for her own ends when she blackmailed him to take them all there in the first place.”

Another vision appeared before her, this was one of Rumple, he was driving, she saw the dagger on the front passenger seat and then she saw the Cadillac passing over the town line.

“Where is he going?” she asked feeling panicked again.

“He’s leaving” Morpheus replied “after he wakes you up he’ll leave both you and Storybrooke behind.”

“What”, she gasped astounded “no, no Rumple wouldn’t do that, he loves me, he would never leave me” she said, but she could feel her confidence starting to fade.

“He will" Morpheus replied, "your refusal to accept him as he is, to accept both the man and the beast you fell in love with puts you in danger, it makes it difficult for him to keep you safe, because instead of swallowing your pride and letting him help you, you would rather go running off to someone worse and throw yourself needlessly and pointlessly into danger to try to prove yourself a hero.

"No I "..she began to protest again but he cut her off.

“Really and how pray did you end up under this sleeping curse in the first place, it was because you didn’t believe that he could help you the way you wanted, it was your way or no way wasn't it Belle and so you ran to the wicked witch who tricked you into using the curse and here you are.”

“I believe he would have helped me but…”

“But you were insistent on doing things your own way and yet if you’d done things his way, as I’ve already shown you no one would have been hurt, the contract would have been torn up and you would be awake with your baby growing inside you. Doing things your way has caused more problems than it has solved thus far child, look what’s happened to the town because of it.”

Morpheus showed Belle a vision of Rumple making a deal with Mr Hyde, trading Storybrooke for Pandora’s box which she now knew he had put her in to bring her home from the underworld and then she saw Storybrooke in ruins, it’s inhabitants either scattered to the four winds or imprisoned and Hyde lounging in Regina’s mayoral office with some of his sidekicks talking about his new storybrooke.

“What have I done” she choked out putting the palm of her hand over her mouth, tears welled in her eyes.

“You’ve fallen victim to one of the seven deadly sins my dear, pride the deadliest sin of all because it blinds people to their own faults but I can help you.”

“The vision I’ve shown you of Rumplestiltskin leaving Storybrooke without you is only one possible outcome there is another" Morpheus told her. "One way or another he will leave that town but whether he leaves alone or with you has not yet been decided, that decision rests with you princess. You see your story has already been changed once before, the beauty was never meant to abandon the beast once she fell in love with him but you did and in his greatest hour of need no less. But as I said I can help you to repair what has been broken.”

“Someone once told me that all magic comes with a price" she replied "I do not expect that any help from you will be free of charge either.”

Morpheus simply smiled “We’ll speak again soon Belle” he told her and then he was gone as quickly as he had appeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morpheus can appear as any human so I imagine he will probably appear to Belle as both Mr Gold and the Imp in the show and possibly as her father Maurice and maybe even as her mother Colette but that's just me speculating. He will also appear to Rumple according to what I've read. If my suspicions are right it's essentially going to be a rehash of season 3 when Rumple was in Neverland and the shadow was masquerading as Belle and if Morpheus appears in the form of the imp as well as Gold then it will also be a rehash of season 5 when Rumple the imp was essentially a figment of Emma's imagination. To be honest I'm only going to read the odd recap for season six I'm currently not interested in watching it because judging by the previous writing on OUAT this will probably just turn out to be yet another excuse to separate Rumple and Belle so unless I see big changes in the show when I read the recaps I won't be tuning in. There’s no true relationship development in the show if Rumple and Belle don’t interact when they both are awake, together and themselves. I’m tired of their storyline revolving around them being apart. 
> 
> However from a fan fic writing point of view I saw this as an opportunity to write a story in which Belle has to consider that her husband is not the only one who has been corrupted by the darkness in their lives.
> 
> In Greek Mythology Morpheus could mimic any human in dreams, and was able to take any form he wanted he also communicated messages through images and stories created as dreams. He was able to show people visions and prophecies in their dreams. 
> 
> According to ONCE "He’s equally good at reading people as he is at hiding his own agenda. He will be doing what Morpheus does best — guiding people through the world of dreams". Rumple always says all magic comes with a price and I'm willing to bet that any help from Morpheus won't be free of charge either.


	2. Even Immortals Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morpheus visits Rumple in his dreams and Rumple reveals why he refuses to give up his powers.

Had Rumplestiltskin been in Storybrooke in his pawnshop or the Enchanted Forest in his castle he could have brewed a potion that would send him to sleep for a few hours and would allow him to possibly speak to Belle but he was stuck somewhere in the Land of Untold Stories with no workroom or potion supplies close to hand.

Last time he’d made something that led to him seeing Belle from another realm had also led to Hades discovering her existence and buying the contract on the baby to blackmail him and ended with Belle under the sleeping curse which had caused no end of problems, so Rumple decided not to risk it this time.

He found it strange that one minute he was standing in Hyde’s office in the asylum and the next he was in the great hall of his castle. “What the hell am I doing here?” he muttered as he strolled to the corner of the room and ran his hand over his spinning wheel.

“Good Evening Rumplestiltskin” he heard a strange voice say. Rumple turned and looked at the man standing a few feet away from him.

“Morpheus” he replied “well that certainly explains this” he said gesturing to his great hall “but given that I don’t sleep as much as the average person, one of the perks of being immortal and all, I’m curious as to how you brought me here.”

“Immortal or not, it makes no difference to me” the god replied “everyone dreams even the dark one, I can easily lull anyone into sleep.”

“Where is Belle, she’s under a sleeping curse which means she’s in this realm so where is she?” Rumplestiltskin demanded.

“Having dreams of her own, I can be in multiple dreams at once if I choose. I wanted to speak to you, alone, if you’ll oblige me?”

“Speak to me about what pray tell?” Rumple asked.

“About you and Belle” Morpheus replied.

“What about us” Rumple snapped at him.

“Well as I told Belle when I spoke to her a while ago I can help you both to repair what has been broken between you. I’m a messenger, I bring people messages and show them visions in their dreams to help guide them.”

“And you want to help us?” the sorcerer questioned the god.

“Yes” Morpheus told him.

“All magic comes with a price dearie” Rumple replied with a knowing smirk “so what’s yours, why are you so eager to help us?”

“The why I will elaborate on but not right now.”

“Let’s focus more on the how, for example why do you think I brought you here of all places?”

“Familiar surroundings” Rumple grunted and then as he looked around the room he said “this is where Belle and I shared our first kiss and also where we had our first separation.”

“Yes exactly” Morpheus replied “this is one of many places which is emotionally significant to you and Belle. I’ve spoken to Belle already, she isn’t ready to speak to you yet no more than you are ready to speak to her, there is much you both need to consider before you see each other again."

“Such as what, do tell, I’m all ears?” Rumple said dryly.

“Well” Morpheus began “in your case I know that as much as you love Belle, you are also angry with her for not listening to you and putting herself in this situation in the first place. It is alright to admit that you’re angry with her, it doesn’t mean you love her any less, in fact if you didn’t love her then you wouldn’t be angry with her for what she's done.”

Rumple hung his head for a moment before looking at the spinning wheel again and then at Morpheus “I am” he admitted quietly “I am annoyed at her for that, I’m annoyed that my wife would make a martyr of herself and now our child as well rather than use common sense.”

“I’m angry and I’m hurt that she went to Zelena of all people for advice after what that witch did to me and my son. Belle had to know how much that would hurt me and yet she didn’t care and did it anyway, and she walked right into Zelena’s trap in the process.”

“I love her very much but I’m angry at her for a lot of things” Rumple said with a heavy sigh and leaning back against his dinning table.

“What other things has she done to make you angry?” Morpheus asked.

“I’m angry that when I needed her the most, when I was traumatized by what Zelena did to me, something I still haven’t quite recovered from yet I may add and I was also at the same time grieving the loss of my son whom Zelena murdered and I desperately needed the comfort of my wife’s embrace she abandoned me, banished me, Belle made things worse by using the dagger on me as Zelena had done before her, only Belle didn’t lock me in a cage, she forced me away from her, my home and the town.”

“I warned her” Rumple’s voice began to get louder “I warned her about the sleeping curse and she wouldn’t listen and now she’s trapped herself and our child under the sleeping death, she was wrong about her father waking her up, I could have told her that was going to happen but she wouldn’t have believed me" he said bitterly.

Her actions caused me to have to put her in Pandora’s Box and surrender Storybrooke to Mr Hyde in order to get her back. If she had listened to me none of that would have happened.

“So Belle has angered and hurt you very much?” Morpheus concluded from Rumple’s rant.

“Yes” Rumplestiltskin snapped “she has, I’m angry that she accepted the apology of the woman who locked her up for 28 years and I’m angry that she tried to blame the Gaston fiasco on me when she was the one who pushed him into the river. If she had listened to me about him instead of being so stubborn and willfully ignorant, she wouldn’t have pushed him in, we would have been home safe and the town wouldn’t be in Hyde’s hands and I’m hurt that when I threw myself in the path of a bear to save her with no magic, risking my life for her and my heart was pure she turned her back on me and abandoned me again.”

“So yes, yes my wife has done things that I don’t like, things that have hurt me and angered me and I’m of a mind to leave both her and the town behind as soon as she’s awake because as much as I love her, I’m afraid that she may try to use our child to control me like she used the dagger and I couldn’t bear that and furthermore if she did do that I don’t think I could ever forgive her.”

"Do you really think she would stoop to that level?" Morpheus asked.

"As I've said I love my wife very much but Belle believes her views are unquestionably correct, she believes her way of doing things is the only way of doing things, she's become quite controlling with me, she's used the dagger on me three times thus far and I wouldn't put it past her at this point to use our child against me either" Rumple's voice cracked as he confessed this thought.

“So you don't trust her, I thought so but what about your power, you love your power, do you love it more than your wife?” Morpheus questioned him.

“I love my power and I love Belle. Belle doesn’t know anything of what I went through before I first became the dark one, that all happened long before she was even born. She doesn’t understand what it feels like to be a helpless crippled peasant, to have no choice but to send your child to die to protect the lands of the nobility who couldn’t care less about the poor people dying for them to keep their comfortable lifestyles. She has no idea what it’s like to be spat on, reviled and branded a coward just because I wanted to live and see my son, she doesn’t know what it is to have to struggle for every scrap of food that made it onto the table."

"Belle was a princess, she lived very comfortably in a castle with material wealth and a host of servants at her beck and call until she made her deal with me, and even then aside from her first few days when she was in the dungeon she lived a comfortable life in my castle until the day of our parting, she doesn’t have any idea what it means to truly struggle, to be a truly desperate soul and she never will."

"Belle knew what I was when she fell in love with me, she was attracted to the beast, she fell in love with the beast and the man and she knew what I was when she married me. I have no intention of ever being the helpless, vulnerable, powerless spinner, dependent on other people’s so-called goodwill ever again. My powers took me away from that miserable life, if I hadn’t become the dark one I would have died in a ditch somewhere three centuries before Belle was even born."

Rumplestiltskin stopped for a moment and finally took a deep breath and his shoulders slumped “I’ve been holding that back for a while" he admitted quietly.

“Alright Rumplestiltskin that’s enough venting for now, I’m going to visit Belle, there are some things that she needs to know but I’ll return to speak to you again” Morpheus told him before he vanished and Rumple woke up in Hyde's office.


	3. Visions of The Spinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morpheus shows Belle some key moments from Rumple's past.

Belle blinked, she was standing in a hovel, there was only one room and it was sparsely decorated, the beds were separated from each other only by some netting that hung between them. There was a loom and some weaving hanging in one corner of the room near a spinning wheel which caught Belle’s eye and in the middle of the room just past the table there were bundles of freshly gathered wool hanging from the ceiling.

There was a small fire burning and a table sat in front of it with a small narrow bench on either side of it and sitting at the table was a dark haired young boy who looked to be about eight or nine years old, then Belle turned as she heard the front door of the poor little home open behind her and a familiar voice called out “Milah, Bae, I’m home”.

Belle nearly fainted from shock at the sight of Rumplestiltskin hobbling through the doorway with his walking stick in hand, he was dressed in rags and carrying a basket of wool which he had hooked over the arm not holding the walking stick.

“Where’s mum?” Rumplestiltskin asked the young boy whom Belle now knew was Baelfire. Bae didn’t answer and Belle saw the knowing look flash across Rumple’s face as he beckoned Bae to grab his cloak and father and son both left the little house in search of Milah.

“This is the life Rumplestiltskin lead centuries before you were even born princess” the voice of Morpheus sounded through the air just before he appeared beside her.

“Why are you showing me this?" Belle asked.

“I have spoken to your husband and from what he has told me thus far, there are some things like this which you need to see in order to understand him better” Morpheus answered.

Belle cocked her head to the side studying the god “Rumple said I don’t understand him?” she questioned.

“Not in so many words but that was his meaning, you don’t understand his motivations for keeping his power because you know nothing of the life he first lived as an ordinary man, the life that drove him into becoming the dark one” Morpheus told her and then he gestured to the hovel saying “this is only one aspect, come and we shall see more.”

Belle reluctantly followed him and the next moment they were standing in a tavern full of rowdy pirates and Belle spied Rumple approaching a table where she saw Captain Hook drinking and gambling with a black-haired, blue-eyed woman.

Baelfire was close behind his father holding on to the edge of his cloak. “Milah” Belle heard Rumplestiltskin call his first wife “it’s time to go” but Milah coldly dismissed him and Belle cringed as both Milah and Hook proceeded to ridicule poor Rumple. 

Milah said he was “no-one, just my husband” and jeered at him for not fighting the ogres and dying like a real man and lashing her to the village coward while other women became proud widows.

Belle gasped as she studied Milah’s face intently “she’s actually angry that Rumple came home alive, she wanted him to die” how can anyone be so cold and hateful to someone they’re supposed to love, when our kingdom was attacked by the ogres the women prayed every day that their husbands would return to them alive” she told Morpheus.

Belle felt herself grow angry on Rumple’s behalf, how could they be so cruel towards him, he was unfairly branded a coward because he had been afraid of the ogres and crippled himself because he wanted to escape them and live to see his son and everyone around him had made him feel as though he had committed some great sin and ostracized him for it.

“I knew she didn’t love him but I never knew just how cold she was with him” Belle said to Morpheus who nodded. Then there was a brief flash of light and they were standing on a docks in broad daylight and Belle saw Rumple hobbling towards the Jolly Roger.

Her stomach churned, she didn’t have to ask Morpheus where they were, this had to be the day that Milah abandoned Rumplestiltskin and Baelfire. Belle briefly turned away, cringing for Rumple again when she saw him make his way up the gangplank, stumble and fall face first onto the deck of the ship.

Hook was standing back casually watching the poor, unfortunate spinner with a smirk on his face. Rumple proceeded to beg Hook to let Milah go and Belle felt a deep disgust towards both Hook and Milah for their behaviour. She saw Hook throw a sword at Rumple’s feet and challenge him to a duel for Milah and Rumple having never fought in a duel before and knowing he didn’t stand a chance began to cry. 

“That bastard” Belle shouted enraged “how could he be so low as to challenge a cripple to a duel, he was the coward not Rumple and that slut Milah wasn’t worth fighting for when she would so willingly abandon her husband and her son.”

“I think your husband would agree with you on that” Morpheus told her calmly “come along there is more to see” he continued.

Belle found herself outside the hovel, she could see Rumple clinging to Bae who looked to be a little bit older here, there were several soldiers clad in black and on horseback nearby and three villagers had collapsed and were writhing on the ground. 

She looked at Rumple and followed his gaze to a cloaked figure on horseback in the field just beyond the village, the figure’s hand was raised and Belle could see the power flowing from it to the people on the ground and then after a signal from one of the soldiers its hand dropped and the people ceased moving.

“Who is that?” Belle asked Morpheus and nodded towards the person on horseback to illustrate who she meant.

“His name was Zoso” Morpheus answered “he was Rumplestiltskin’s predecessor, and this was your husband’s very first encounter with magic and with the darkness.”

Belle gasped as she realized how significant this moment was not just for Rumple but also for Bae, herself and everyone else as well.

A new vision appeared before her, it was night and she saw Rumple and Bae heading out of the village and into the forest.

“Where are they going?” she asked her godly escort.

“They are leaving” he replied “this is the moment that Rumplestiltskin tried to get his son to safety so he would not be forced to send him off to die in the ogres war but as you will learn this became a very fateful night.”

Belle felt a lump of ice settle in the pit of her stomach when she saw the soldiers riding up the dirt path through the forest and stop near Rumple and Bae. Yet again Rumple was laughed at, called cruel names and humiliated and then as if that wasn’t enough to Belle’s horror she watched a shaking Rumple as he fell to his knees and kissed a soldier’s boot to keep them from taking his son from him.

“He was a desperate soul” Belle gasped in realisation “Desperate souls always draw the attention of the dark one” she said as she and Morpheus watched an old beggar man help Bae and Rumple back to their hovel. 

Her heart broke for Rumple when she saw him crying again and heard him tell the old man “I’m the town coward, the only choice I have is which corner to hide in. I’m lame, friendless, the only thing I’ve got is my boy” he said pointing to a sleeping Baelfire “and they’re going to take him away from me” he sobbed “if they take him away I will truly, truly become dust.”

Then the old man began to tell Rumple that he would have a way out if he had power and the scene began to slowly fade as Belle heard the old man tell Rumple to take the power. Suddenly there was darkness in front of Belle and she saw flashes of moments, Rumple and Bae making torches, Rumple setting fire to a castle and the moment he first beheld the dagger and laid his hand upon it when he lifted it from behind a covered wall and she heard the old beggar man’s words echo “take the power.”

Then everything slowed and an image of Rumplestiltskin standing in the middle of the forest holding up the dagger in one hand and a flickering torch in the other came into view. Belle heard him summoning Zoso and saw the cloaked figure appear behind Rumple, she watched stunned as Rumple was goaded into striking down Zoso who was revealed to be the old beggar man and becoming the new dark one.

“He returned to Baelfire and killed the soldiers before they could send him to the battlefield.” The dream god's voice broke through to Belle who had slipped into a silent stupor "he ended this ogres war and led all the children home from the battlefield" he continued and Belle saw a brief image of Rumple striding through the fields with a thousand children and adults following him back to their homes, the sun rising in the sky behind them, the dawn of a new day that they would not have seen if it hadn't been for Rumplestiltskin. 

“I know” she replied quietly “he told me that much.”

“He’s different from the other dark ones you know.”

Belle looked at Morpheus “How is he different from them?” she asked him.

“Because even though he became the dark one he never truly lost his heart to the darkness like the others before him did. He always retained a spark of light in the very centre of his heart because of his love for his son and more recently because of his love for you" the god answered. "One of his first acts as the dark one was to save those people on the battlefield thanks to that flicker of light that lies deep in his heart" Morpheus told her.

The scenes from Rumple’s time as the spinner faded and Belle found herself in the pawnshop again, she had been shown much of what Rumple’s human life had been like and she didn’t know what to say at the moment.

She walked through to the back of the shop to the cot and sat down on it and let her head sink into her hands.

“You seem at a loss for words princess” Morpheus commented as he followed her.

“You’ve given me a lot to take in” Belle answered “I had heard things from him but hearing about something and seeing it for yourself are two different things and I never knew that his life was that bad and…”she tapered off not sure how to continue.

“Its making you begin to question how you see him isn’t it? Making you realise that there is more to the beast and the man than even you knew” Morpheus stated.

“Yes” she replied rubbing her temples “will you show me more?”

“I will” he answered “but not now, I think you need to digest what you’ve seen today before you see more” he told her. Belle nodded as she lay back on the cot and pulled the blanket over herself. When she glanced around Morpheus was gone and Belle was left with only her own muddled thoughts for company.


	4. Misguided Heroism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morpheus addresses Belle's obsession with heroism.

Belle was lying on the cot with an old grey blanket wrapped around her staring at the curtain that separated the two sections of the shop and presently lost in thoughts of her husband. Strangely she found herself starting to understand Rumple’s sometimes unsympathetic attitude towards anyone who wasn’t her.

If she had been made an outcast simply because she’d wanted to live and see her child she too would have become resentful, withdrawn and cold because of it and if someone offered her the chance to change her situation for the better she would have done the same thing Rumple had done and grabbed that chance with both hands.

The comment Morpheus had made about Rumple being different from the other dark ones because of the light that still dwelled in his heart had also given her pause for thought. 

Before she had seen those moments from Rumple's past she hadn’t truly comprehended the life that he had to live when he was the poor spinner because she had been a princess. Of course Belle had always been an idealistic person how could she not be when she had grown up in her father’s castle wanting for nothing, and with a horde of servants at her beck and call and palace guards to protect her. 

She had been born to wealth and had been expected to marry into wealth as well. Belle had known nothing of poverty or struggle, there was always plenty of food on her table, coin in her purse, lavish furnishings about her and the finest of clothing on her back, always a warm fire in her hearth and a safe and comfortable bed to sleep in. Belle had never known stress, worry or loss until the ogres war which had forced her into an unwanted engagement and caused the death of her mother, her life had until those moments been a comfortable and happy one.

It was a new and strange thing for Belle to see poverty, especially in the life of one she loved, for she had spent her entire life with her nose buried in books and seen little of what went on in the real world. It was only now that she began to see that this was the reason Rumple had called her a foolish, gullible girl back in the dark castle.

What she had seen was a whole different side of Rumple’s life and a part of him that she had never known and it had startled her. It was making her begin to see her own behaviour towards her husband in a less than favourable light. 

“Deep thoughts princess?” a voice interrupted her musings and she glanced up to see Morpheus seated in the chair by the desk. 

“Thinking of how vastly different Rumple’s human life was from my own” she murmured.

“Well while you’re in a thinking mood, I have something else for you to add to your contemplations” he replied. 

“Oh is it more about Rumple?” she asked him

“No princess not yet, I thought I’d let you take a look at someone else first, yourself.”

“why?” She asked him.

“Because I want you to see yourself from a different perspective, to understand your own flaws and the mistakes of your past, come along now, on your feet Belle.” 

Belle somewhat reluctantly rose from the cot and followed Morpheus through the shop to the front door, he opened it for her and when she stepped through it she was standing in the stables of her father’s palace in Avonlea.

She saw herself and her father arguing over her act of saving the ogre that day.

“It’s happened Belle, the eastern regions have been breached, the ogres are coming” her father said. 

“And you blame me?” she heard herself remark. 

“Blame is not important now” Maurice answered.

“What I did was the right…” Belle argued back but was cut off mid-sentence by her father.

“IT WAS FOOLISH AND PETULANT” Maurice roared.

“No, no I did what I had to, to live with myself” she snapped back. 

“And now we’re at war” Moe retorted.

“Has it occurred to you that our mistreatment of their young is what caused this war and not my act of mercy?” she asked him.

“The reasons why no longer matter, what does is that we must do what it takes to save the kingdom” Maurice replied solemnly.

“I’m sorry father, I’m sorry that it’s come to this” she told him sincerely.

“I’m sorry too" he replied "our army is no match for theirs.” 

“What will we do?” she asked.

“Gaston’s kingdom, their army could give us a fighting chance” her father answered.

“You think they would assist?” she said. 

“With the right bit of diplomacy” he told her.

“You want me to..”

“He still wants your hand belle, it could end the war, you’d be our hero” her father told her, and then suddenly everything froze.

Belle turned to look at Morpheus “Why did you freeze everything?” she asked him "and why are you showing me this particular moment?”

“The death of your mother had a profound effect on you didn’t it Belle, it cemented your growing obsession with being a hero but even before her death you entertained notions of heroism. It wasn’t just a case of wanting to be a hero just like your mother now was it?”

“I’m not obsessed with heroism, that’s ridiculous, there’s nothing wrong in wanting to help people.” Belle said sharply.

“No" Morpheus answered "there isn’t anything wrong with that, the problems arise when you want to help everyone. You are very idealistic Belle but you are also human and it just isn’t realistically or humanly possible to save everyone and sometimes in helping one person you may actually harm another and there is no better example I can think of in your case than your encounter with the young ogre which is why I’m showing you this moment of your life.”

“Your mother taught you as much as she could, but as a princess your life was sheltered and there is only so much you can learn when you live among your books and experience nothing of real life and sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.”

“What do you mean?” Belle asked him.

“What I mean is this, heroism is indeed an admirable quality, but misguided heroism is not so admirable. Part of you wanted to selflessly help people like the heroes you'd read about in your books but another part of you wanted to be recognized and admired as a hero by your people even before your mother died and it was that same part of you that led you into making a risky decision that day when you saved the ogre” he answered. 

“That’s not true” Belle said aghast at what Morpheus was implying.

“Oh really and why was it that you were also completely against marrying Gaston until your father told you that it would make you the hero of your people if you did?” the god questioned her. 

Belle paused unsure how to answer that one.

“Your father blamed you for the ogres being lead to your doorstep and overrunning your home and for your mother’s death and you blamed yourself for it as well didn’t you? It’s stayed with you, you couldn’t save her and you’ve been trying to make amends for it by attempting to save everyone else and live up to the memory of your mother ever since haven’t you princess?”

“YES she shouted, I HAVE, what else was I supposed to do?” she said her voice trailing off quietly as a few stray tears slid down her cheeks.

The vision of the stables began to fade and was replaced by one of the library in her father’s castle, the room her mother had died in. Belle allowed herself to sit on the chaise she used to spend hours curled up and reading books on before the castle was ransacked. 

“You’ve let your grief and your assumed guilt consume you and make you desperate to prove that you’re always acting like a hero, you need to move on and let it go Belle. You did not start the ogres war and they would have come to your home regardless of whether you helped the young one or not, you must let the guilt go before it destroys your entire life, your mother’s death was not your fault and most importantly you must come to terms with the fact that you can't save everyone and everything that you meet” Morpheus told her as he sat beside her.

“You’re right though” she said sniffling “there was some selfishness in my motives for helping the ogre, that day in the stables I told my father that I did what I had to in order to live with myself, that was true but I didn’t give any thought to the effect that my actions might have on everyone else’s lives. By letting that one ogre go I put the lives of all of my people at risk and I didn’t even give it a second thought, I just did what made me feel good about myself” she told Morpheus.

“Nobody’s perfect princess” he quipped “everyone has moments in their lives which they do not reflect upon with satisfaction even immortals, as your husband would no doubt tell you.”

“Speaking of which” the god continued” just as you wrongly perceived your mother’s death to be your failure you also think that your husband remaining the dark one is your failure as well don't you?”

“I feel exhausted, powerless sometimes when it comes to Rumple because yes surely if I had been able to help him he wouldn’t still be the dark one, he would be an ordinary man again” Belle answered.

“I used to think that something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough for him because he keeps clinging on to his power so much but after what you showed me of his past as the spinner, there’s a part of me that isn’t at all surprised that he’s still the dark one, that he took the powers back.”

“Good Belle that’s good, you shouldn’t be surprised that he still has his powers because that has more to do with his own issues than it does with you. You have helped him, he told you so himself in the underworld didn’t he?” Morpheus questioned.

“Yes, he said that I had already helped him to become a better man” she replied.

“You have and you loving both sides of him, both the man and the beast made you his hero a long time ago however some of your more recent actions have shaken his trust in you.”

“Because I told him I couldn’t accept the beast?” she said hoarsely.

“Yes, among other things which we will speak of later, the beast is a part of him Belle, a part of him that you loved once before, the part of him that you first fell in love with and if you want your relationship with him to survive you have to love all of him again, because there’s no such thing as loving half a person, it’s all or nothing.” 

“Which brings me to another point, this obsession with heroism of yours has made you a very easy person to manipulate princess did you realize that?.”

“Easy to manipulate” she said looking at him incredulously for a moment “what because I try to see the best in people?”

“No princess because you refuse to acknowledge the worst in them when it comes to the surface and stares you in the face, you wilfully ignore the worst faults of your so-called friends like they don’t exist and they use your ignorance to their advantage to manipulate you and hurt you. One only has to look at your recent actions with Rumplestiltskin, Gaston and Zelena to know that. You were manipulated into putting yourself under this sleeping curse by Zelena. You’ve been manipulated against your husband in the past by the heroes and I use the term heroes loosely here, you were manipulated by Hades and you’ve sometimes jumped into situations without knowing the full story and made matters worse, again usually concerning your husband."

“Not only that but it took the use of an enchanted object, namely a mirror to make you see Gaston for the monster that he really was, you couldn’t see it with your own eyes. So yes you are too gullible for your own good, you need to remove the rose-tinted glasses you insist on wearing and see everyone around you for who they really are, not just who you want them to be.”

“I suppose I can’t really argue with that anymore” she confessed “I tried to help Gaston in the underworld even though I knew he was a monster, I couldn’t save him, I pushed him into the river and I lashed out at Rumple for it” she said quietly to which Morpheus simply nodded.

“Come princess", he said suddenly as he stood from the chaise and beckoned to Belle to follow as the library faded around them.

“Where to now?” she asked him.

“You were raised with the belief that you should never judge someone until you truly know them, well there is more of Rumplestiltskin’s life that you need to see” he replied.

In the blink of an eye Belle and Morpheus were standing on the deck of the Jolly Roger. Belle saw Hook and Milah who was now wearing pirate garb and standing opposite them was Rumple only now he was no longer the frightened, crippled spinner they had jeered and laughed at before. He was the dark one, angry and powerful, covered in scaly skin and clad in his leathers from head to toe with a dark red cloak draped over his shoulders. 

“My early years as the dark one” a familiar voice spoke behind her and Belle turned to see that Morpheus was gone from her side and standing five feet behind her was Rumple in his Imp form.

“Rumple?” she stuttered looking at him curiously.

“Hello Dearie” he replied.


	5. The Dark One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumple and Belle see some important moments from Rumple's past during his early days as the dark one.

“Is it really you” Belle asked the imp.

“Yes dearie it’s me, well part of me at any rate, the beast, the part of me that you first fell in love with, you remember that don’t you?” he said dryly.

“I remember” she replied softly as she gazed at him taking in the scaly green-gold skin, the large amber eyes and the leather boots, breeches and high-collared red embroidered vest over a gold silk shirt, he was dressed just as he had been the last day she had been in the dark castle with him and the sight of him like that sent a pang through her, she couldn’t deny that she still felt something for him in this form.

“Why were you here on the Jolly Roger?” she asked him after taking in their surroundings.

“Because Hook and Milah had something of mine, something I would have used to find Bae if I had gotten it back, this is the day I killed Milah" he answered and Belle’s eyes widened.

Belle watched as the Rumple on the ship taunted Milah “Well, well it seems like you finally found the family you could never have with me” Belle heard him say as he stalked by his first wife on the deck.

She saw Mr Smee brought up on deck, recognising him from the day he abducted her on her father’s orders and Milah took a pouch from his hand which she took a small clear bean from and showed it to the Rumple on the ship. He smiled and moved to take it but Milah then threw the bean to hook who caught it.

“You asked to see it and now you have” Hook told him.

“So do we have a deal, can we go our separate ways?” Milah asked.

Rumple smirked at her “Do you mean do I forgive you, can I move on?" He questioned his former wife.

“Perhaps” he said nonchalantly as he walked along the deck with his back to her “perhaps, I can see you are twuly in love” he told her.

“Thank you” Milah replied with a nod.

“Just one question?” Rumple continued turning back around to face Milah and Hook.

 _Here it comes_ Belle thought having known her husband long enough to see the warning signs.

“What do you want to know?” Milah said coolly and Belle got the impression that Milah knew exactly what Rumple was going to ask her.

“How could you leave Bae” he said pointing at her and suddenly ropes from the rigging started flying loose all around them, the first signs of Rumple’s anger beginning to manifest.

“Do you know what it was like walking home that night..”

“Rumple..” Milah tried to speak but he wasn’t finshed

“knowing I had to tell our son…”

“...Please” Milah tried again but it was in vain as Rumple’s face twisted with anger.

“…that his mother was dead” he hissed.

“I was wrong to lie to you, I was the coward I know that…” Milah told him.

“YOU LEFT HIM, YOU ABANDONED HIM” he shouted angrily at her.

“And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel sorry for that” Milah said in desperation.

“Well sorry isn’t enough” Rumple snapped back at her “you let him go.”

“I let my misery cloud my judgement” Milah retorted.

“Why where you so miserable?” Rumple asked as he looked at her with disgust.

“Because I never loved you” she hissed spitefully at him.

Rumple said nothing but a muscle in his cheek twitched right before he plunged his hand straight into Milah’s chest.

Belle gasped aloud while the Rumple standing beside her remained silent and didn’t even flinch.

“No” Hook shouted, he tried to intervene only for past Rumple to lift his hand and magically restrain him against the bottom of one of the masts while Milah was gasping as her former husband slowly dragged her heart from her chest and held it in front of her where she could see it.

“NO” Hook shouted as he tried to free himself and a look of fear and horror appeared on Milah’s face as she realised what was about to happen.

Hook worked himself free and caught Milah as she began to fall slowly backwards, “I love you” she told the captain just before Rumple crushed her heart to dust and she died in Hook’s arms.

“How could you kill her?” Belle asked the imp beside her “she was the mother of your son.”

“Then she should have acted like it, a cat would have made a better mother than she did” he spat back.

“All those years I thought she’d been abducted from me and Bae” he continued, “I humiliated myself years earlier on this same ship as a poor cripple begging Hook to let her go, they made a laughing stock of me” he said his voice becoming harsh and bitter.

“I didn’t know what had become of her or what they’d done to her and all along she’d actually abandoned us both for the pirate. All that time Milah was living a rich life on the high seas while I scraped by, often going without food to feed our son, the son she abandoned without a second thought, the son I raised as best I could, the son I sold my soul to save.”

“She never even asked about him that day, never asked where he was or how he was, she was just trying to placate me to save her own skin and the pirate’s. She was never sorry that she left Bae she was only sorry that I had caught up with her.”

“How could you possibly be certain of that?” Belle asked him.

“Because being in my line of work I know how people think dearie and I was abandoned by a parent myself as you know” he replied.

“Milah never counted on her pathetic, cowardly ex-husband becoming the dark one” he said the bitterness clear as day in his voice. “The day she left me and Bae she never expected to see either of us again. I expect that she thought we were both long dead, Bae killed by the ogres after being sent to the battlefront and me having taken my own life because I was broken-hearted without my boy.

“Oh Rumple” Belle said with sympathy in her voice as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I tried to be there as much as I could for Bae and do right by him but he grew weary of me like this” he said gesturing to himself.

“and wanted you to be an ordinary man again” Belle said and Rumple nodded.

"I rendered myself no better than his mother by letting him go as well" he said shame evident in his voice and Belle saw images in front of her of Bae sliding into a green vortex and begging his papa not to let go of his hand, but Rumple let go of him, she saw Rumple scrabbling around in the dirt after the vortex closed and Bae was gone calling out to his son and saying he was sorry.

"But you tried to right that wrong, yes you let him go but you spent every waking moment since that night trying to find him until you did. Milah never looked for Bae to see if he was safe, and she didn't take him along with her and Killian to save him from being sent to fight the ogres either. She didn't care what happened to him, you did, you always did even when he was a world away from you, you never stopped caring about your son or trying to find him" Belle told him earnestly.

“Bae was just a child, an innocent child, that night when I let him go" Rumple said his voice choked with emotion "he didn’t realise what he was truly asking for when he tried to make me choose between him and the power. If I had become an ordinary man I would have been a helpless crippled coward depending on the charity of strangers all over again and I never wanted to go back to being that. I loved my son but I also remembered better than he did what we had endured and how we had lived while he was growing up, before Milah left.”

“Bae was bitten by a snake, poisoned when he was little and would have died and there was nothing Milah and I could do to save him. I went to a healer and made a deal with him the life of my son in exchange for the only thing I had to offer, the life of my second-born, that’s how desperate my situation was when I was an ordinary man Belle. Milah and I were so poor we had nothing else to offer the healer and I was willing to forgo having any other children in order to save the one I had.”

They stood in silence for a moment until he took her hand “come” he said quietly “there is more to see.” The Jolly Roger and the docks faded and in place of them was a strange room with bare brick walls, full of bales of straw and Belle saw a spinning wheel sitting in the middle of the room. There was a beautiful young raven-haired woman, with pale skin and ruby red lips wearing a vivid red gown standing near it talking to none other than Rumple’s past self.

“Who is she and where are we now?” Belle asked.

“She is Cora” Rumple told her.

“Regina’s mother?” Belle asked her gaze snapping to the imp who nodded at her and this is the night she first met me” he informed her.

Belle turned back to watch Cora and the other Rumple talking.

“Don’t just do it, teach me, make it a part of our deal” Cora was saying to him.

Rumple smirked “you are a spicy one aren’t you?” he replied flirtatiously “oh well, Rumplestiltskin” he said with a bow.

“What?” asked Cora.

“My name” he replied “I do believe you just earned it.”

“Now let’s begin” he said and Cora took her place at the wheel.

After a dozen or so fruitless attempts Cora grew frustrated. “You’re just thinking about it too much” Rumple told her “magic is about emotion, summon up that moment that made you so angry you would have killed if you could.”

“You do that?” Cora said looking up at him from the wheel.

“I do” he answered.

“What’s your moment?” she enquired brazenly.

“Once a man made me kiss his boot in front of my son, in my mind I go back and I rip out his throat and I crunch his veins with my teeth and that dearie is how magic is made” Rumplestiltskin told her.

“Bloodlust” she exclaimed.

“I like the phrase” he purred looking at her approvingly.

“Let me help you” he said as he stepped around behind her and belle’s stomach roiled with jealousy as she watched Rumplestiltskin seat himself directly behind Cora at the wheel and begin to slide his hands up and down the soft porcelain skin of her arms and place gentle kisses on her neck and cheeks which Cora clearly enjoyed as she nuzzled closer to him while he successfully guided her to spin gold from straw.

Belle turned away not wanting to see anymore, she felt the Rumple beside her touch the palm of her hand with his fingertips, “that’s not jealousy I see on your face surely?” he asked in mild surprise "did you think that no one else ever accepted the love of the beast just because you can't?" but Belle didn’t answer .

She looked around again when she heard past Rumple and Cora talking to see that they were now standing in a bedroom and Cora was wearing a wedding gown. Belle was shocked when she heard the other woman successfully persuade Rumple to amend their deal between kisses and embraces.

“What if ah, what if I amended our contract, instead of you owing me some random first born child, you’ll owe me my child?” Belle heard the imp of the past say.

“You loved her” Belle said to Rumple beside her “and yet you were so insecure that you still felt the need to ask Cora to have a relationship with you in the form of a deal, which makes me think it was loneliness rather than love that drove you into her arms.”

“Rumple can we really do this, can we really have this?” Belle heard Cora ask.

“If you wish it” Rumple’s past self replied.

“Show me” Cora said.

He put his hand over hers on his chest “I will show you everything" he told her.

But then things changed again and Belle and Rumple were outside watching from the shadows as past Rumple met Cora beneath a large tree.

“We were going to elope that night” Rumple beside her explained “or rather I thought we were going to but Cora had other plans.”

Belle watched as past Rumple’s face fell when Cora told him she wasn’t going with him, “You never loved me” he spat at her “never.”

Belle from where she stood could see the hurt written all over his face and hear it in his voice. Once again he was being abandoned by someone he loved and realising that they didn’t care about him at all.

She watched as past Rumple grew angry, telling Cora that she wouldn’t get away with it and threatening to take her baby. Cora responded that because he had altered their deal he was only entitled to take his own child and any child that she would have would never be his.

“She was using you” Belle said voicing her thoughts aloud to the imp by her side. “Cora never had any intention of honouring her deal or having a child with you, she was only interested in power and a crown, you weren’t enough for her. If she had truly loved you her kiss would have broken your curse.”

“Indeed dearie” he replied “So I was abandoned again, seemingly the story of my life, no matter what I do or how good I am as you proved a few months ago and don’t worry we’ll get to that little matter soon enough.”

“Why are you acting like this?” Belle asked him.

“Because he is a manifestation of part of your husband’s subconscious” came the voice of Morpheus as he appeared beside them “a manifestation of the beast’s subconscious, he will give voice to the thoughts that haunt him more freely in this realm than he normally would in the waking world.”

“He’s right dearie” Rumple said pointing at Morpheus with a clawed finger.

“What are you doing here?” he asked Morpheus.

“I am the lord of dreams and as long as you’re in my realm I never really leave you” Morpheus answered.

“I’ve decided that there is something that has driven a wedge between you two and it’s high time that you both discussed it with each other at length if your relationship stands any chance of being truly repaired and before we go any further” he told Belle and Rumple.

“Hold out your hand” he said to the imp who slowly, warily extended his arm, opening his hand and turning it so his scaly palm was facing upward. A cloud of purple smoke bloomed around it and when it cleared the dagger was lying across the palm of his hand.

Belle jerked her head up to look at first Rumple and then Morpheus.

“The dagger” she said warily.

“Yes princess” Morpheus replied “The dagger.”

 _This is going to be a lengthy conversation indeed_ Belle thought to herself.


	6. The Dagger and the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morpheus, Rumple and Belle discuss matters of power, control, narcissism, and Belle is taken to task over her actions with the dagger and her attitude to Rumplestiltskin. Batten down the hatches this story is about to get darker dearies much darker. This chapter is a longer one than the others. Lots of swearing in this chapter. I'm now on Tumblr https://dancingscorpiodearie.tumblr.com/.

There was a heavy and uncomfortable silence stretching between Belle and Rumple as they both eyed the dagger like it was something toxic and in a way it was. If ever there was a physical symbol of the tattered remains of their marriage this was it.

"I hate that thing" Belle said quietly.

"What about you Rumplestiltskin how do you feel about the dagger?" Morpheus asked the Imp.

"For me it’s a bit more complicated than that, I’m not madly in love with it any more than Belle is, I have a love/hate relationship with this blade" he said.

"But you told me to my face in the underworld that you love it" she protested.

"I know" he said lowly, "I can’t help that, it gave me my powers without which I would never have lived long enough to meet you Belle and it has been linked to me, to my soul for over three hundred years. It gave me the first security that I had ever known as a man but it’s also come between me and the ones I’ve loved the most, you and Bae."

"Alright" Morpheus replied "let’s address the power aspect of things first and then we can discuss being controlling" he said glancing at Belle.

"Power" the god began "corrupts even the best of people, it latches on to their weakness and feeds on it, the dagger has corrupted everyone that it has ever come in contact with it. A long line of dark ones including you Rumplestiltskin but also anyone who has ever used the dagger to control a dark one."

Here Morpheus looked at Belle again and said "for what true pure hero would ever truly want to have the kind of power and control over another living being that the dagger grants."

“A true hero wouldn’t want to control or manipulate anyone like that" Belle choked out in realisation "a true hero would be compassionate to their enemies."

"He’s right dearie" Rumple spoke up "the dagger corrupts everyone who touches it even you, it began to corrupt you from the first moment you touched it, you just didn’t realize it not consciously. It tempts you to take it up and use it, to wield the power, each time you touch it the temptation grows stronger and it gets easier to use it every time doesn’t it?"

"I never wanted to use the dagger on you" Belle started "but you left me with no choice Rumple."

"That dearie is a lie, you always had a choice but you were too impulsive and irrational to consider it" he retorted "let's discuss it shall we, those lovely occasions that you've used my dagger on me."

"The first time you used it was to command me to take you to the snow queen’s cave to try and help your friend Anna because you wanted to right the wrong you had done by abandoning her. But you also wronged me by attempted to take my free will from me with that blade and two wrongs as I’m sure you would be quick enough to remind me don’t make a right."

"The second time" he continued "you took the word of those hypocrite heroes and without hearing me out you banished me, you abandoned me, after all I had been through when Zelena used the dagger to control me, lock me up in a cage in the dark like an animal and abuse me, after she murdered my son in front of me and I was helpless to stop it because she still had the dagger. I begged you to let me explain but you wouldn’t listen, I BEGGED YOU" he shouted, "I TOLD YOU JUST BEFORE YOU PUSHED ME OVER THE TOWN LINE THAT I WAS AFRAID AND YOU WOULDN’T LISTEN, I WAS ON MY HANDS AND KNEES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT LINE CRYING OUT FOR YOU WHEN YOU ABANDONED ME."

"I was traumatised by what that witch had done to me Belle, I was vulnerable and I was terrified of anyone else ever getting their hands on the dagger and using it against me again. You of all people, my own wife didn’t understand that, didn't even notice because you were so busy running around after your so-called friends who couldn’t give a shit about you, Hook, Emma and Elsa that you never gave me a single thought. You cared more about being a hero than you did about being a wife."

"The third time was in the underworld when you wanted to do things your way and save Gaston even though he was set on killing me, you just couldn’t handle someone not doing things your way could you Belle? You got cosy with me and kissed me only to steal the dagger right out of my pocket."

"But my intentions were good" she tried to protest.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions dearie and yours weren’t good, they were foolish and wreckless and caused more problems than they solved" he retorted.

"All magic comes with a price dearie, did you think that you would be able to use the dagger and not have to pay the price? because I have news for you, you already have."

"What price?" she whispered.

"My trust" and your own soul" he answered sharply "I no longer trust you, when I was hurting, when I needed you the most, you used the dagger to strip me of my free will and banish me to satisfy your own notions of being a hero. So you could say to your friends I’m the hero who banished the dark one from Storybrooke. Each time you use the dagger you lose a little piece of your soul to the darkness it wields that's why it gets easier to use it every time because it's slowly corrupting you."

"Corrupting me?" she said horrified at the turn their conversation was taking, she had never seen her use of the dagger in that way before, "Do you really not trust me anymore Rumple?" she asked him.

"No" he snapped "Is it any wonder when you handed over my dagger to 'Killian' when you thought I was gone. Killian of all people, the man who has tried to kill both of us multiple times and you would willingly have handed over to him the one weapon that he could use to kill me."

"You would trust Hook or Regina, you would take Zelena’s advice, advice from the woman who killed my son and imprisoned me like an animal but you couldn’t even hear me out before you banished me. I am the one person who truly loves you, who cares about you and yet I am the only one you ever hold to account for anything Belle. I could maybe see past things if you weren’t so naïve and took the others to task for what they’ve done to you the way you do me but you don’t. I wonder when you wake up are you going to just forgive your father at the drop of a hat for leaving yourself and our child to rot under this sleeping curse?" he snarled.

"Since you found me in the shop that day you escaped from the hospital I’ve never given up on you, not even when you were Lacey the darkest version of yourself. I stood by you which is more than you have done for me, your sense of logic and reasoning astounds me Belle. You’re not the same woman I fell in love with in the Dark Castle that’s for sure, she would never have abandoned me not for any reason. There are days when I don’t even recognise you anymore dearie do you know that?"

"I TRIED TO BE EVERYTHING FOR YOU RUMPLE AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH" she shouted at him repeating what she’d said to him the night that she’d banished him.

"NO BELLE _I_ WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR _YOU_ NOT EVEN WHEN MY HEART WAS SO PURE THAT I WAS THE PUREST HERO, YOU STILL ABANDONED ME SO I WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU" he roared in frustration "AND I NEVER WILL BE BECAUSE I’M NOT THE HANDSOME HERO FROM YOUR BOOKS."

"That night you told me you used to see the man behind the beast but all you could see there and then was a beast then several months later you make a hypocrite out of yourself by saying you have always seen the man behind the beast and that you also see a hero. Honestly Belle I love you but do you even listen to half the things you say sometimes? You were the one who told me it was never too late to change after the encounter with the bear and then you abandoned me again. You completely contradict yourself all the time."

"We could have left Storybrooke well behind us, without my powers if you had come with me that night instead of insisting we go back because there were people we still cared about in that town."

"Please do enlighten me and tell me what people are in that town that we cared about and who care about us? Certainly not Hook or Zelena, not Regina or Emma either and definitely not your father and Henry would have been safe with his mothers. So there I wanted to take you away so we would both be safe, no magic, no darkness, pure heart and you chose everyone else over me. You have a nerve to say that I never chose you because you missy have never chosen me and you have a nerve to say that there’s too much broken trust when you’re the one who stripped me of my free will and abandoned me when I needed you the most, you've broken the trust in this relationship as much as I have” he snapped at her.

"And yet again it was all about you wanting to be seen as a hero charging in on a white horse and saving the town and you proved that night that you would thoughtlessly put yourself and me in impossible, life-threatening situations for people who have seriously wronged both of us in the past, people who care nothing for us Belle."

"Then when you met me at the well you said I was the man you finally wanted me to be but you didn’t know if you wanted to make it work, do you know what I think Belle? I think when I finally did become a hero you couldn’t handle the fact that I was the purest hero, a purer hero than you, that my heart for once was purer even than yours."

Belle was struck dumb by his accusations, she had never heard Rumple vent like this before, never seen him so angry or upset but she also couldn’t refute a word of what he’d said because sadly it was all true she had indeed abandoned him when he was the best version of himself that he could ever be and she had abandoned him when he’d needed her the most and she’d chosen the other townsfolk who couldn’t care less about her over him.

“Your accepting of all the wrong people Princess" Morpheus addressed her "you have faith in all the wrong people Hook, Regina, Zelena, Emma, Gaston and even your own father to name but a few. People who happily manipulate you and throw your good faith back in your face. If you can accept the likes of them you can accept Rumplestiltskin as well instead of treating him like an outcast, like something your ashamed of.”

"You weren’t always like this with Rumplestiltskin princess, do you remember? Look and see" the god of dreams told her.

As he waved his hand Belle saw visions of herself, the first one was when Regina had abducted her, she was locked in a cage and shouting through the bars at the evil queen. “You can’t keep us apart forever, I will fight for him, I will never stop fighting for him" she shouted at Regina.

Then she saw herself sitting on the table in the great hall of the dark castle with Baelfire and heard them talking about Rumplestiltskin.

“You really believe in him don’t you?” Baelfire asked her.

“I love him, all of him, even the parts that belong to the darkness” she answered.

“Yeah it took me a while to see past all that, to the good man trying to get out” Bae confessed.

“But he did get out” she heard herself say.

“Yeah he did” bae replied “the irony is now I need the dark part in order to get to the ones I care about.”

Belle was struck by Baelfire’s words, he was right, sometimes a little bit of the darkness was needed to get things done. It reminded her of what Rumple himself had said in the underworld, that dark and light were points of view and in the heat of the moment people will do whatever it takes to keep their loved ones safe.

Then she saw herself using the dagger on Rumple. That day in the pawnshop, he hadn’t wanted to take her to the snow queen’s cave but she had made him.

"I really, really didn’t want to do this" she heard herself say as she withdrew the dagger from her bag.

"Belle I gave you that dagger because I trusted you, because I thought you would never want to control me" he told her.

I know, I know and I’m so, so sorry Rumple but if you won’t come with me willingly, what choice do I have?"

She held the dagger in front of him as she commanded him to take her to the Snow Queen.

"That was a fake dagger that you gave me" she snapped at him "which proves that you never trusted me with the dagger from the beginning."

"And wasn’t I right not to trust you Belle, haven’t you proved me right many times over since that day that not even you are immune to the lure of the dagger?" he retaliated.

"Yes" she said wiping away tears that were threatening to fall as her heart constricted in her chest, "you were right, I’ve proved that you couldn't trust me ever since and I’m bitterly disappointed in myself for that” she admitted.

"While your honesty for once is refreshing dearie I can assure you that you’re not half as disappointed as I am" he replied dryly.

Then Morpheus showed them the moment that Belle banished Rumple from Storybrooke that horrible night by the town line and she began to weep as she watched the scene unfold again.

“Belle what are you doing?” Rumple asked her as she held up the dagger to his face.

“Finally facing the truth” she answered.

“Please put the dagger down and let me explain” he asked.

“No" she said "no it’s my turn to talk, do you remember the first time you saved my life, you traded for me, I thought I saw something in you, something good, well I found that gauntlet today and that’s when I finally realised that all the signs I’d been seeing were correct, you would never give up power for me Rumple, you never have and you never will."

"You don’t understand" he said trying to approach her and explain but again she blocked him with the dagger.

"You told me that the gauntlet would lead you to someone’s weakness, to the thing they loved most, do you know where it led me Rumple? To the real dagger, your true love is your power."

"I like the power" he admitted "but there’s nothing wrong with power, not when it means that I, that we can have it all."

"I just wanted you" she sobbed, "I wanted to be chosen, I tried to be everything for you Rumple, but it wasn’t enough and I lost my way trying to help you find yourself, not anymore."

"Belle" Rumple said crying "I’ll make it up to you, I changed once before, I can do it again" he pleaded.

She shook her head "You’ve never changed."

"Please" he begged.

"NO" she shouted raising the dagger again, "it’s too late, once I saw a man behind the beast, now there’s only a beast."

"Rumplestiltskin I command you to leave Storybrooke."

"Belle no please, I won’t be able to come back he pleaded."

"I know" she said in tears.

"I don’t want to lose you" he said stumbling backwards towards the town line.

"You already have" she cried.

"Belle please I’m afraid" he begged again but Belle pushed him over the town line and turned away from him.

"Why did the gauntlet lead me to the real dagger that day Rumple?" Belle questioned him with tears running down her face having to see that awful night all over again.

"Because it is my weakness yes, because it can be used by anyone to strip me of my free will and control me. I told you that for most people their greatest weakness is usually the thing they love most but I’m not most people and unlike most people my biggest weakness is the one weapon which can be used against me to devastating affect not just on me but on all those around me. However in my case my greatest weakness and the thing I love most are not the same thing, you are the thing I love most Belle and you were never a weakness to me, you were my strength. I would have explained all this to you had you given me a chance to instead of jumping the gun" he replied and then added "you were my strength but you weren't there for me when I needed you the most, you turned your back on me."

Belle visibly deflated as she listened to what he told her, it all rang true to her mind, and she knew that she'd been far too impulsive that night when she banished him.

Next they were shown Rumple magically dangling Gaston by the throat over the river of souls and then Belle came along and asked him to stop.

“For all that we’ve shared, let me tell you one thing before you go through with this” she said.

"Alright Belle what is it?" Rumple asked her.

She stepped close to him and said "I just wanted to tell you that I have always known who you really are, that’s why I love you" and then she kissed him. "But" she said taking the dagger from his coat pocket and stepping back "I also know who I really am and I can’t let you hurt him, in fact I command you not to.”

Reluctantly Rumple dropped Gaston on the ground "Belle you’re making a big mistake" he told her.

"Are you alright?" she heard herself ask Gaston.

"I will be" he growled grabbing his bow and taking aim at Rumple, ready to shoot until Belle shouted “No” and pushed Gaston into the river herself.

When that vision faded Rumple and Belle began to argue over the Gaston incident while Morpheus stood silently by.

"You told me you gave that book of yours to Gaston to teach him that a true hero shows his enemies compassion and in the moment you could have shown him mercy you sent him to a fate worse than death, correct?" Rumple asked her.

“That’s right I did” Belle replied.

“Well if that’s really what you believe then where was your compassion for me YOUR OWN FUCKING HUSBAND WHEN YOU BANISHED ME" he shouted. "You regret doing what you did to Gaston but you did it to save me so does that mean that you wish I had gone into that river instead of him?"

"No, no of course it doesn’t, I wouldn’t have pushed him in if I didn’t want to save you" she snapped in frustration.

“You said you blackened your soul just to save me, like I wasn’t worth it Belle. Do you know how many times I blackened my soul trying to find my son over the years, and do you know what Belle I don’t regret it because Bae was worth it. Do you know that so far you've already blackened your soul three times by using the dagger against me.

“You said that if you left it up to me I would just make you do something else that you would regret, WELL I DIDN’T FUCKING MAKE YOU PUSH GASTON INTO THE RIVER THAT WAS YOUR DOING. I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO STEP IN AND BE A HERO FOR ME, I DON’T NEED YOU TO BE A HERO FOR ME, I NEED YOU TO LET ME PROTECT YOU MY WAY, I NEED YOU TO ACTUALLY TALK TO ME AND LISTEN TO ME LIKE AN ADULT INSTEAD OF STORMING THE FUCK OFF ALL THE TIME WHEN I DON'T DO THINGS YOUR WAY.”

“Do you know what my way was Belle? I bargained with Hades, I traded him Zelena for the contract torn up and it worked, no one was killed, or injured in any way and our child was free from Hades grasp. Now had you been patient enough to wait FIVE FUCKING MINUTES INSTEAD OF RUNNING TO FUCKING ZELENA OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE you would have seen that for yourself but no you couldn’t help yourself could you? You had to go and try to make a martyr of yourself and you walked right into ZELENA’S FUCKING TRAP YOU FOOLISH, GULLIBLE GIRL" he roared.

“YOU HAD A NERVE TO SAY TO ZELENA THAT YOU COULDN’T FUCKING TRUST ME when you’re the one who’s starting to make a running habit of using the dagger to FUCKING CONTROL ME" he fumed "and yes I know you said it to her because he showed me" Rumple said indicating Morpheus. "WHERE DO YOU GET OFF SAYING THAT YOU CAN’T FUCKING TRUST ME? you couldn’t even trust your own father to wake you up.”

“Doing things your way got us nowhere, in fact it caused more fucking problems than it solved, you put yourself under a sleeping curse and I had to bargain the town away to Hyde to get you back from him, and oh yeah your so-called fucking friends were trying to stop me from waking you up by the way, remember to thank them for that when you do wake up won’t you” he fumed at her.

"Then" Rumplestiltskin continued "there is the incident with the bear and the matter of you abandoning me for a second time my dear, technically a third time actually if you count yourself walking away from me instead of leaving town with me as an abandonment as well. Let's have a looksie shall we dearie" he growled and with a wave of Morpheus's hand Belle suddenly saw herself and Rumple arguing in the car, she heard herself tell him they couldn't leave while there where still people they cared about in town. She saw herself stubbornly walking away from Rumple before she was attacked by the bear and Rumple risking his life to come to her defense with no magic and being tossed around like a rag doll by the bear before he forced a pouch down it's throat which caused the bear to revert to Merida.

He saved her from the bear when his heart was purest, when he was the purest hero of them all and it still wasn't enough for her, she heard her words to him as a vision formed of her as she turned her back on him again at the well.

"Belle" he said when she met him at the well "I'm ready to do this right, I'm ready to put the past behind us."

"Rumple" she said "this isn't easy for me, I love you and some part of me will always love you but you've broken my heart too many times, there's too much broken trust" she told him.

"But I've changed" he said mystified by her cold attitude towards him, "my heart is pure now."

"Yeah, you have and it is" she said a tad dismissively, "you're the man that I always hoped you would be."

"Then why are you doing this now?" he questioned her, "now we have a chance to make this work."

"I don't know that I want to make it work" she said "but I do know that if I'm going to try and figure that out I need to do it on my own."

"I have spent too many years trying to mend your heart, now I need to protect mine" she said before she walked away from him.

"Belle please" he begged but his plea fell on deaf ears.

"So much for always fighting for me eh dearie" Rumplestiltskin commented dryly when the scene ended "and you know something else, I'm getting fucking fed up of saying 'Belle please' every time I open my mouth, I sound like a broken record."

"You two are constantly at odds with each other over who is in control of your relationship" Morpheus interrupted them. "Now more recently Rumplestiltskin started putting his foot down in the underworld but Belle you try to control him, manipulate him by saying if you do this or that I’ll stay with you or if you do this or that I’ll leave you. When he doesn't do as you wish you resort to throwing a hissy fit and leaving him only to take him back again. Belle love is not something that can be offered conditionally and yet that is something you constantly do to your husband and he has never done to you. He's never given you conditions or ultimatums although he would be well within his rights to now do so knowing that you can't be trusted with the dagger."

"Belle you have always been quick to point out your husband’s flaws and mistakes. Rumple on the other hand you were until recently unwilling to hold Belle accountable for her behaviour thus enforcing her belief that everything she was doing was right, and because of this she developed a touch of the god complex believing that her actions were unquestionably correct."

"Now though because Rumple is finally standing his ground Belle you have no choice but to question your own behaviour and motives and ask yourself were you really doing the right thing or could you have handled all those situations in a better way? Were you truly being as heroic as you thought you were? Banishing Rumplestiltskin wasn't what was needed that night Princess, what was needed was for you to see that after Zelena locked him up, your husband was suffering from post-traumatic stress, he was vulnerable and scared of anyone else using the dagger on him which is why he tried to free himself from it" Morpheus continued.

"He was also grieving the son who was murdered in front of him and he was powerless to stop it because Zelena had the dagger, if you had been paying any attention to him instead of running around after Emma, Hook and Elsa you might have realised this and given Rumple the comfort and reassurance he desperately needed to make him feel safe and confident again and he wouldn't have done what he did."

"Was it so bad for him to want to be free of the dagger Belle, was that really such a bad thing?" Morpheus asked her. "You using the dagger on him and banishing him only made things worse and reinforced Rumplestiltskin’s belief that no one could be trusted with the dagger not even you" Morpheus told her.

"Tell me Belle" the god continued "if there was an object in existence that could control you like the dagger controls Rumplestiltskin and it could be used by anyone regardless of their intentions, would you want anyone controlling you like that, bringing you to heel like a dog, having the power to make you do unspeakable things?" Morpheus asked.

"No" she finally lifted her head, eyes red and puffy from crying and whispered "no I would never want anyone to have control over me like that not even my nearest and dearest and if there was something that existed that gave people the opportunity to control me I would do my utmost best to destroy it because no one decides my fate but me" she stated.

"Now we're getting somewhere" Morpheus stated.

"I'm not so sure" Rumplestiltskin commented, "I don't think Belle fully realises" he said as stepped right up close to her "just how it feels to be controlled by someone else and I think she needs to experience it first hand to see what it's like" he said.

He pressed his hand against Belle's chest "Rumple what are you doing?" Belle said trying to pull away from him but he had a firm grip on her shoulder with his other hand.

"I never wanted to have to do this to you of all people" he said sadly "I won't hurt you dearie but you need to know what it feels like and this is the only way I can show you" he told her as he pushed through her chest and taking hold of her heart Rumple slowly extracted it from her and held it in front of her to see.


	7. The Heart of the Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumple and Belle have a heart to heart, Belle finally realizes what it is like to be controlled by someone else and she and Rumple slowly but surely begin to find their way back to each other. This is another long chapter but it had to be for me to fit everything in and lets face it Rumple and Belle have a lot to talk about. I'm now on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dancingscorpiodearie

Belle was stunned as she observed her own heart lying in Rumple’s open palm. She was shocked to see several small black spots on the glowing red organ.

“How does it feel?” Rumple asked her “to have someone controlling you for a change? To know that you have no choice but to obey my every word, follow my every instruction and carry out every task I set you no matter how horrid it may be, does it make you afraid Belle?”

“Yes” she admitted “it frightens me very much.”

“Good because it should” he replied.

“Leave us please” Rumple said addressing Morpheus but looking at Belle as he said “we want to be alone for what comes next” throwing the words she had used the night she banished him back at her and Belle fully felt the sting now that the proverbial shoe was on the other foot and he was in control of her.

Morpheus nodded and vanished leaving Belle and Rumple in the dream version of the pawnshop.

“Now dearie I think it’s time for you to be truly honest with me” he said as he carefully stroked her heart. “But first a little demonstration of control I think.”

“And to even the playing field a little and so you know that I won’t hurt you” he trailed off and with a gesture of his claws the dagger was lying in Belle’s hand.

“Take it for now” he commanded her and with her heart in his hand she had no choice but to grasp the dagger in her hand.

“Belle” he ordered holding her heart in front of him, “lie on my work table” she had no choice but to obey, “now pull your skirt up and push your panties aside and lay the dagger beside you” he told her.

She hiked her skirt up and felt her hand moving her panties aside so she was bared to him. “Play with yourself Belle” he told her, “any way you like”. Belle began to rub tantalizing circles around her clit, she brought her other hand down and slid two fingers inside herself, pumping them in and out, her hips started to lift off the table meeting every delicious thrust of her fingers.

“That’s it dearie” Rumple said “fuck that tight pussy, bring yourself to orgasm.” Belle moaned as she felt herself grow wetter, her walls were starting to clamp around her fingers. “I want you to cum Belle and I want you to cum hard now” Rumple ordered. His voice sent her into a spin, her body shook as the pleasure rapidly escalated and she shrieked as she squirted her juices all over the table.

It took several moments for Belle to come back to herself after lying panting on the table. “You may fix your clothes now Belle” Rumple told her and "pick the dagger up again."

"I want you to take the dagger and I want you to stab me in the chest with it" he ordered her.

"WHAT" she shouted "No Rumple don’t make me do this" she begged him as she began to cry "PLEASE Rumple." But she couldn’t stop herself and advanced on her husband, "please Rumple" she begged him again as she lifted the hand with the dagger high in the air, ready to strike, but still he remained silent and motionless.

Just as Belle began to bring the dagger down to plunge it into his chest Rumple calmly said "stop Belle" bringing her hand to a sharp halt, the tip of the dagger touching his leather vest. The dagger vanished from sight in a cloud of purple smoke and Belle sobbed with relief.

Now she understood, he had used her heart to control her, to make her almost kill him as a lesson, to show her what it felt like for him when any one used the dagger to control him and make him do terrible things.

"I ask you again dearie how does it feel to be controlled by someone?"

"To have my choice, my free will taken from me, to be forced to do something so terrible as to almost kill you, it felt like a violation of the worst kind" she answered.

"I’m glad you realized that" he said calmly.

“Now, I think you should have a little conversation with your inner self” he told her and just as he said it Ingrid’s mirror appeared directly in front of Belle, hovering in mid-air.

She tried to step back but he wouldn’t allow it, “you remember this don’t you Belle?” he asked.

“Yes” she said “please don’t make me look” she pleaded with him.

“Look in the mirror now Belle” he commanded firmly “and listen to what your inner self has to say” Belle had no option but to obey him as long as he still held her heart.

When she looked in the mirror there was her inner self waiting for her with a smirk on her face.

“Hello Belle” she greeted her “I’ve been wondering when I would see you again.”

“I see you still haven’t learned your lesson have you?”

“What lesson?” Belle asked.

“You still have to try and be a hero no matter what the cost like that night when you could have left all of this behind with Rumple but instead you got out of that car and walked away thoughtlessly putting yourself and him into danger” her mirror image replied.

“I told you before that you’ve never really been hero material” the reflection continued “and I was right you’re too emotional when it comes to making decisions instead of being logical you try to do the moral thing, the good thing even when it makes no sense, even when it’s ridiculous and it always comes back to bite you on the backside.”

“In your haste to save Gaston you almost let him kill Rumple, you let Anna go to try and retrieve the memory stone to see what happened to your mother, you forgave Hook even though he would still try to kill Rumple if he had the chance and you went to Zelena and foolishly trusted her and she tricked you into taking the sleeping curse to separate you from Rumple because she knew it would hurt him because guess what he loves you, he’s actually the only one in this town who does love you but you know that now don’t you.?”

“You let everyone else walk all over you but you try to keep your husband on a leash like a dog.”

“I made a mistake” Belle heard herself answer “I didn’t mean to..”

“Try to ruin someone’s life” the reflection snapped back “banishing him certainly wasn’t your most heroic moment now was it Belle, neither was abandoning him when he was finally the man you wanted him to be.”

A mingled look of sadness and anger crossed belle’s face as she moved towards the mirror like she wanted to break it but instead she said “please, please stop.”

“Everyone sees you for what you really are Belle” her reflection continued relentlessly.

“A pathetic coward, trying to curry favour with the saviour and her crew even if it means turning on your own husband, the only person who truly cares about you in that sorry little town.”

“You see dearie” Rumple said from beside her “deep down you know that what you did was wrong, you know that your desperation to be perform heroic acts only spawns from guilt, you admitted to me that you lied about knowing Anna because you didn’t want anyone to know until you had righted your mistake and saved her and why?”

“Because if anyone found out what you had done before that they might see you for less than the perfect little snowflake of a hero you like to pretend to be, you always have to try to be a hero no matter what the cost even if it’s our marriage or my life” he snapped “and I’m tired of it.”

“You know that deep down inside you love the darkness Belle” her reflection spoke again “and you know that there’s only so many times that you can throw Rumple’s love for you back in his face before he has enough and walks away from you don’t you?”

“So why can’t you just admit that you like the darkness, why can’t you be as honest with Rumple as you’re expecting him to be with you, double standards and heroism don’t mix very well Belle” her mirror image continued.

“You knew what he was when you went with him to his castle, you knew what he was when you fell in love with him after living there with him for months and you knew what he was when you married him and each and every time you went back to him after breaking up with him.”

“Tell me Belle that night at the town line when you banished me you didn’t really want me gone did you?” Rumple asked.

“No” she choked out “I didn’t want you gone for good not really, I knew you would find a way back, I knew you wouldn’t stay away from me and in truth I didn’t want you to.”

“Oh I know you didn’t dearie because if you had truly wanted me gone for good from Storybrooke you would have explicitly ordered me never to come back as it was you didn’t, you only commanded me to leave.”

“I knew you would use that loophole to come back” she said.

“So why banish me at all, you know in your heart that it wasn’t necessary, all I needed was comfort and reassurance from you to help me feel strong and confident again after what Zelena did to me and to Bae, I don’t think that’s an unreasonable thing for a husband to want from a wife.”

“It isn’t unreasonable” she agreed, “I banished you because I wanted the approval of the others and I didn’t want you to hurt anyone, you weren’t yourself at the time, you were grieving Bae and you were scared after everything with Zelena, I didn’t know what else to do and I didn’t think, I know now that my using the dagger to banish you was rash and impulsive.”

“I also know now that I was wrong about you choosing your powers over me and in my hurry to prove myself a hero to the others I only made matters worse and fractured the trust between us and I’m sorry for that, I truly am.”

“You didn’t want me to hurt anyone but yet you would have let Killian kill me” he replied not yet completely satisfied.

“No I love you, I wouldn’t have let him kill you” she told him.

“Belle I glamoured myself to appear as Killian and you handed over the dagger to me without question, if that had really been Killian what do you think he would have done with that dagger, had a tea party with me? It was the same story in the underworld, you were completely against me using my magic to try and get us out of a desperate situation and you almost got me killed.”

“And realistically speaking dearie the quarrel between myself and Hook goes back centuries, long before you were ever born, if I truly wanted to kill him I would have done it a long time ago and if Hook truly wanted to kill me, even though he wouldn’t get very far there’s not much that you my dear could do to stop him.”

“Do you honestly think that you could talk him down with one of your ‘there has to be a better way speeches’ not likely dearie.”

“How narrow-minded are you that you can’t accept that sometimes a little darkness is required to get a job done properly? You are gullible, impulsive and reckless and you have no experience with actually possessing powers or using magic so how fucking dare you try to preach to me about when or where I can use mine, how dare you presume to be the judge of when the ends justifies the means” he snapped.

“Now tell me Belle, tell me that you love the darkness, come on I want to hear you say it dearie because I know that you do” he told her.

“I do” she said “I love the darkness, I love all of you, I always have.”

“Then why did you turn away from me when my heart was made pure, you once told me that love is layered, like a mystery, so what once you solved the mystery you weren’t interested in me anymore?”

“You know dearie one of the most striking illustrations of how important power is to someone is how they react when they lose it, when I lost my powers I was happy because I was the man you wanted me to be, you on the other hand abandoned me so clearly my power was more important to you than you have thus far admitted.”

“I love the allure of the darkness, I love the mystery, I never could have fallen in love with a prince or a typical hero and you know that. The darkness in you appeals to my own inner nature, I’m a good person but my attempts at being a hero have so far been misguided at best because I tried too hard and because I don’t think a totally pure hero is who I really am.”

“Of course I like you having powers it’s mysterious and it excites me, it always did. When you became the purest hero I felt inadequate next to you and insecure and I was also annoyed because there you were the purest hero, the one who pulled the sword from the stone and what had you done to deserve it. I’ll admit I was envious because I wanted so badly to be a hero, to be the best version of myself" she said placing her hand on her chest.

“But then I thought about the goodness in you. You’re a good person as well" she continued "a good person who went through some awful experiences, you were forced to make terrible decisions to save your son and you did what you had to do to survive.”

“You’ve done many good things over the course of your life, you saved all the children in your village from the ogres, you brought Snow White and Prince Charming together, you sacrificed yourself to save all of us when you killed yourself and your father and you sacrificed the dagger to protect Bae which is how Zelena got control of you in the first place.”

“You’re stronger than you think you are Rumple and I never needed to change you, the goodness has always been there in you anyway, it never left you it was just hidden beneath many layers of abuse and loneliness.”

For the first time since he had entered this dreamscape of Belle’s Rumple was speechless but Belle wasn’t finished yet.

“In trying to be a good person and live up to my mother I suppressed the darker aspects of my own nature and tried to convince everyone that I was something I wasn’t. I can still try to be a hero but I don’t have to be as pure as the driven snow. I don’t have to be a princess perfect to help people. You were right dark and light are points of view and a hero will do whatever it takes to save the ones they love and that means that even heroes can have a dark side sometimes.”

Rumple was stunned but pleased none the less to hear his wife admit this and he knew that it was a huge admission for Belle, he waved his hand and Ingrid’s mirror disappeared.

"Rumple tell me truly, why did you take the powers back? Belle asked him.

"Because I had become the best version of myself and it still wasn't good enough for you and you abandoned me again, the town was about to be invaded and destroyed by all the former dark ones and we who stayed behind in the town were facing certain doom so I had nothing left to lose and I did the only thing I could to give myself a fighting chance and took back the powers."

"I'm sorry" she whispered "I shouldn't have walked away from you that day, it was a cold and callous thing for me to do."

Morpheus reappeared standing in the doorway where the curtain hung separating the two parts of the shop.

“You two are both a tad narcissistic you know” he began “you Rumplestiltskin regarding your powers and you Belle regarding control without these things you both feel exposed to your real inner feelings of inferiority, inadequacy and worthlessness.”

“Princess” Morpheus said addressing Belle “many people like you have the fantasy that if they try hard, 'do it right,' be reasonable, and have goodwill and a team approach, these factors will make you look good, make you look like a hero in front of the others and win their approval and then you will be one of the team.”

“But this is about as deep a fantasy as one could possibly have, as it is not based in reality. Why is this? It is... because a narcissist's survival, your survival is dependent upon having control, or the perception of control and when this control is challenged, you feel threatened and respond as though your very survival is at stake.”

“You’ve becoming increasingly more dependent on having control of Rumplestiltskin and the banishment and the abandoning him, that was all you feeling threatened and making impulsive decisions because you weren’t in control of your husband and you knew it. The same way Rumplestiltskin trying to free himself from the dagger was him feeling threatened after his time with Zelena and making impulsive decisions because he wasn't in control of himself.”

“Princess, you are wilfully ignorant and controlling in attempting to dictate to Rumplestiltskin how he should do things. You try to be a perfectionist and protect yourself against your own inner vulnerabilities the god continued.

“You attempt to manipulate and pressure Rumplestiltskin to change so as to avoid having to change some aspects of your own behaviour. I believe these are lingering issues from both your mother’s death and your imprisonment at the hands of Regina something which incidentally you have never confided in anyone about” he said pointedly.

“However when that controlling pattern of yours was broken when Rumple started standing his ground with you recently you were left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness ... but you must realise by now that you cannot continue this destructive path of using the dagger to strip Rumple of his free will and control him whenever he deviates from your will.”

“Rumple” the god said addressing the imp “you too as I mentioned also have issues with control but yours are different from Belle’s in that you want control of yourself and not of anyone else, you want bodily autonomy over yourself.”

“You always wear suits and play with the ring on your finger, why? Because as well as acting like armour the suits also make you feel like you’re in control, because the most obvious way for any person to control themselves is to control what they wear.”

"The thought of relinquishing even an ounce of control fills both of you with dread and brings on attacks of anxiety.”

“You see Princess” Morpheus said to Belle “to change your thoughts you must first change your feelings and for Rumplestiltskin here, his feelings of vulnerability go so far back that this is immensely difficult but not impossible. But as you already said earlier the goodness was already in him to begin with and it never left him.”

Rumplestiltskin approached Belle slowly and carefully placed her heart back in her chest.

“What now?” He asked turning to face their godly companion.

“Now we shall look at your time as prisoners” Morpheus told them.

Belle and Rumple suddenly found that they were gripping each other’s hands tightly, this was not something either one of them wanted to look back on.

But sometimes in order to move forward one must first go back.


	8. Prisoners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle and Rumple are shown visions of each other's time as prisoners of Regina and Zelena.

There was a flash and Belle and Rumple found themselves looking at a vision of Belle being dragged into a cell by Regina’s guards. Regina entered shortly after, dismissing the guards and closing the door behind her.

"So you failed to break the beast’s curse" she said to Belle "how unfortunate for you."

"I’m glad I failed" Belle snapped at her "I’m glad he’s still more powerful than you are because otherwise he would be defenseless which is exactly what you wanted."

"You were glad that I still had my powers?" Rumple muttered in shock as he looked at present Belle.

"I was" she admitted "even if I was locked up at least I knew that you were alright, safe from Regina as long as you still had your magic. Well that was before I knew about the existence of the dagger that is" she added.

They both turned back to the scene before them, still holding each other’s hands. Belle’s grip on Rumple’s hand tightened as she remembered what happened next. 

Regina ordered the Belle in the vision to strip but Belle didn’t budge an inch.

"If you don’t do it, I’ll have one of the guards come in and do it for you" Regina warned her, "now take off your clothes, all of them."

Defiant and determined that if she was to strip she would do it herself and no one else would touch her Belle slowly began taking off her clothes and boots until she was standing completely naked.

Regina circled her, stroking her breasts and buttocks and cupping her pussy. "Wet for your Queen" she murmured how appropriate, "tell me has Rumple had you yet?" Regina asked as she tweaked one of Belle’s nipples with her other hand.

Belle still refused to answer and without warning she was pulled flush against Regina, her back against the Queen's chest. Regina then slipped her fingers inside Belle and explored her until she found her virgin barrier.

"No he hasn't had you yet" Regina said smirking "this is a virgin pussy" she said trailing her fingers lazily out of Belle's cunt and through her wet folds.

"What’s your name?" the Queen asked but Belle refused to tell her instead turning around to face Regina who returned her hand to her pussy and continued to fondle her.

"Someone taught me that names have power and aren’t to be given away freely" Belle replied remembering what she had learned from her time with Rumple.

"It doesn’t matter" Regina murmured "you may as well make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving anytime soon" she cackled and "don’t bother calling out for your lover, there are spells over this room, he won’t hear you."

"You won’t hurt me" Belle replied slapping Regina’s hand away from her flesh, "in fact you won’t lay another hand on me" she boldly told the Queen.

"And what makes you so certain of that?" the Queen snarled at her.

"Because you’re keeping me here to use me as a bargaining chip against Rumplestiltskin should you need one, he's more powerful than you are and you’re afraid of him and you know that should you have to present me to him as your hostage then the only way you might earn clemency from him for abducting me and keeping me here is if he finds me completely unharmed. You know that if you harm so much as a hair on my head you won't stand a chance of making a deal with him."

"If I were you I would keep that smart mouth of yours shut for the remainder of your time here bookworm" the Queen snapped back at Belle as she shot a dirty look at her before she swept out of her cell.

A moment later when Belle looked around the room a long blue dress with slit right up one side had appeared on the narrow cot at the wall. Belle hurriedly put the dress on and facing the door she curled up on her side on the cot. Tears slid down her cheeks and only one word made it past her lips as she lay sobbing, "Rumple."

Another vision appeared of Belle in her cell, Regina entered the room, there were now four marks on the previously bare wall behind Belle with a line through them to indicate that she had been there five days.

"I just thought I’d pop in and tell you that I paid a little visit to your true love today" the Queen announced.

"I told him you had gone back to your own kingdom and no one wanted you after your association with him and that you had been locked in a tower and left to the clerics. I also told him that their less than savoury methods such as scourging and flaying drove you to take your own life by flinging yourself from the tower."

"He thinks you’re dead so he won’t be coming looking for you, Belle."

Belle gasped in horrified surprise when the Queen spoke her name.

"That’s right Belle" Regina said "I learned your name from him just to prove to you that I wasn’t lying about seeing him today, of course he doesn’t know that. I must say he seemed very upset at what I had to tell him, I was surprised."

"I told you before when you captured me" Belle said looking at the Queen with a deadly serious expression on her face, "he and I are true love and you won’t be able to keep us apart forever, we will find each other again and when we do and I tell him what happened to me, he’ll kill you."

The next vision showed Hook in Belle’s cell asking her about the Dark One's dagger and pretending that he was there to rescue her, telling Belle that Rumple had attacked her father. But Belle had known nothing about the dagger back then and so Hook showed his true colours and hit her in the face, knocking her unconscious and was just about to kill her when Regina stopped him.

"No" the Queen told him "I need her alive, she’s a useful chess piece against Rumplestiltskin."

When the present Belle turned to look at Rumple beside her, she saw that his face had darkened in anger and his eyes were burning.

"Rumple" she said tugging his hand gently to get his attention, Rumple’s head snapped to face her suddenly and without warning he pulled her into his arms and wrapped them around her, holding her tightly against him.

"Oh Belle I’m so sorry sweetheart, if I had known you were there I would have rescued you and I would have brought that miserable witch’s palace down around her head."

"I know you would have" she told him as she sank into his embrace and inhaled his scent, a mixture of leather, straw, pine and sandalwood, something that had always soothed her. 

"I should never have believed her, I should have known she was lying through her teeth" he continued, "I should have dismissed what she told me and sought you out for myself. When I think of all the times I was in that palace and you were right there, only a few feet from me and I didn't even know it" he snarled in frustration.

"It’s not your fault" Belle reassured him gently, "you were so caught up looking for Bae and then to have your feelings for me hit you almost at the same time that you had to start grieving me because you thought I was dead must have been a harsh blow, you couldn’t have been thinking straight at the time."

"I wasn’t" he admitted "and I’m ashamed of myself for that because I failed you."

"No" Belle murmured "we’ve let each other down at times but you’ve never failed me, I know if you had been thinking straight and seen through her lie you would have rescued me, I’ve always known that" she reassured him.

Together they turned back to see that the vision had now changed and they could see Rumplestiltskin sitting on the floor of a cramped cage in the dark.

The light was switched on and Zelena kicked a tray containing a bowl of gruel and a cup of water through the narrow gap at the bottom of the cage and Rumple cackled to himself when she left the room you "feed the madness and it feeds on you" before eating the gruel with his fingers.

The next vision they were shown was of Rumple in his cage working at a small spinning wheel in the dark and chanting "spinning cleans the mind and soothes the soul" over and over again as gold thread began to gather at his feet.

"Enjoying your little toy?" Zelena taunted him as she entered the room and switched the light on and cackled in amusement at his predicament. "You look as awful as you sound" she told him causing him to slam his hand on the wheel and stop spinning.

"What?" she murmured "you not enjoying your cage, not appreciating your jailer?"

"Oh no" she continued "you look like you want to hurt me, go on then give it a go" she said giggling with amusement at his anger and unlocking the padlock from his cage, "I’d love to see you try."

"Especially when we both know that you can’t" she said entering his cage as he rose from his seat, "not when I have this" she told him brandishing the dagger in front of her.

"You’re a slave to it and to me" she continued as Rumple fell back against the cage automatically putting his hands up in front of himself in defense.

"Frustration can be so intoxicating on others" Zelena murmured as she admired the dagger in her hand. "The only one that can do the hurting here is me, so why don’t you be a good boy and sit back down."

Rumple now looking wild and terrified, had no choice but to obey her as long as she held the dagger and so was forced to sit again. Zelena conjured a second stool and sat directly in front of him.

“Well what are you waiting for?" Rumple taunted her "don’t let me stop you" he leaned closer and in an eerie singsong voice said "all the voices in my head will be quiet when I’m dead."

Zelena giggled again "I’m not here to kill you Rumple" she said "but you really need to keep up appearances."

"Appearances for what, for why?" he questioned and then turning back to his wheel he said "let me spin, spin the madness away."

"No" his jailer murmured "I think spinning is bringing the madness, here come close" she ordered.

Helpless against the thrall of the dagger he obeyed and Zelena grasped his chin "hold still" she ordered him "unless you want me to nick that pretty face."

She began to slowly shave him with the dagger, "oh I’m so sorry did that sting?" she asked sarcastically when she cut him.

"There" she said when she was finished "handsome as ever, now about appreciating your jailer" she murmured as she trailed her hand down and cupped him through his trousers, "make yourself hard" she commanded him.

She giggled sickeningly as she felt him grow hard in her hand and the sound of his zipper being drawn down echoed in the small room.

He whimpered when she released his cock from his pants and squeezed him, "that’s a good boy" she hissed "nice and hard for me."

Rumple let out a sob as she began to roughly stroke him, "come on Rumple" she urged him, "show me how much you appreciate me, cum for me" she commanded him, "cum hard."

"BELLE" rumple cried out as his body shook and he spurted thick ropes of cum into Zelena’s hand.

"Calling out another woman’s name while I pleasure you, I’m going to have to teach you better manners than that my pet, here" she said "clean up the mess you made."

Rumple’s stomach heaved as he licked his own cum from Zelena’s hand, when she was finished she shoved him back and stepped out of the cage, locking it behind her.

"I’ll leave you to think about just how I might punish you later" she said with a cackle as she knocked the light off and left the room.

Rumplestiltskin tucked himself into his trousers and curled up into a ball before he began to sob, "Belle" he wept as he lay in the pitch dark basement.

The next thing they saw was Rumple when he escaped and crying as Bae died in front of him, then they saw Zelena catch up with him and order him back to his cage were he sat and wept with his head in his hands, crying over his son.

"Oh Rumple" Belle said turning to her husband and flinging her arms around him "I’m so sorry" she said, "all the terrible things that witch did to you and made you do and then when you were grieving Bae, you were all alone in that cage. I’m so sorry" she wept, "she had you in a cage for a year and I never before gave any real thought to what she did to you in all that time. I should have known from my own experiences with Regina, I should have known."

"I should never have gone to her or taken the sleeping curse, it's no wonder" Belle cried "that you tried so desperately to free yourself from that dagger, no wonder and I banished you for it. You told me at the town line that you were afraid and I didn’t listen to you" she wept as she fell to her knees and he fell with her to catch her. 

"I was so busy running around after people whom I thought were friends that I never even noticed what my own husband was going through" she cried into his arms as he embraced her.

"It wasn’t your fault that Zelena locked me up, what she did to me wasn’t your fault, please stop crying sweetheart" he begged, his own eyes wet with tears as well. "I’m here now and you’re here" he said "and our child is here" he told her placing a hand gently over her womb "that is what matters, we’re here with each other and I’m going to wake you up from this and when I do we will never be apart from each other again."

"All this time" Belle hiccupped, "all this time we’ve been fighting and arguing with each other" she said, "keeping secrets and being so unreasonable with each other and I took their sides over yours every time and refused to listen to you, all that time we should have been standing together against them."

"We’re two very damaged souls sweetheart and we’ve been surrounded by rapists, murderers, cut throats, kidnappers, blackmailers and two faced hypocrites for far too long" he said.

"I’m glad to see you’re both making progress" Morpheus said reminding them both of his presence. 

"Belle I believe your time spent imprisoned contributed to some of your issues with Rumple. You’ve always said princess that no one decides your fate but you, and yet when you were in that cell for twenty eight years you were helpless, powerless, you decided nothing, someone else decided if you ate and when you ate." 

"They also decided that you were allowed to see, hear and read nothing beyond the darkness of those four walls, someone would empty your bed pan, you weren’t allowed to use the bathroom or to wash, the only light that you ever saw streaked in through a crack in the window. This left you with some serious insecurities because you had absolutely no control over yourself whatsoever during that time and naturally enough you hated it, so since then you have tried to control Rumple and everyone else around you, always trying to do things your way and reacting badly when people refuse because it scares you." 

"Rumplestiltskin this also applies to you" Morpheus said as he now looked at Rumple "you too have experienced trauma and abuse at the hands of others and it has had the same effect on you as it has on Belle, left you insecure, vulnerable, craving any little scrap of love and affection that is tossed your way and desperate to stay in control. You both felt emotionally numb at first after you were freed and after a while you then started developing emotional and physical reactions, such as feeling easily upset or not being able to sleep.

Belle remembered restless nights, when she would wake up at all hours sweating and feeling nauseous when she had first been freed and Rumple holding her in the night making her feel safe again. She remembered too that he started developing the same habit after he was free from Zelena. 

Rumple remembered the vivid flashbacks of Bae dying and the nightmares of Zelena's hands on him, the waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and Belle comforting him back to sleep, he remembered doing the same for her as well. 

The trauma that you have suffered is the reason for your panicky nature, the anxiety you feel, why you get upset or angry easily, why you're easily startled and why you repressed your memories and with them a part of yourself and why you don't always think things through logically but act off of your immediate impulses instead and make the wrong choices Morpheus said looking at Belle.

For you Rumplestiltskin he said turning to the imp all the trauma you have lived through is what lies behind your anxiety, irritability and aggressive behaviour with anyone who isn't Belle, your tendency to repress your emotions and to want to spin in order to keep busy and ignore what you're feeling. When you were freed from Zelena you were scared out of your wits and in a blind panic about anyone else ever using the dagger on you again and you were so desperate to free yourself from it that nothing else mattered.

These most recent traumas only served to panic you both even more and worsen these behaviour patterns in both of you. I am glad to see the walls between you two are beginning to come down again but we are not finished yet, there is still more for you to see" Morpheus continued.

"Like what?" Rumple asked as he helped Belle rise to her feet.

"It’s time now to look at the happier moments you have shared with each other, to remind you of the light and love that you have given each other" the God of dreams answered.


End file.
